we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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