I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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