ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
