Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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