I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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