I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
