my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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