Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
