Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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