I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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