Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
God I need to hump something, right now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
