You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
