If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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