Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
