I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
