I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
