Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize