i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
