it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
