Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
