Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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