"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
