i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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