my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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