I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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