Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
