I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
