Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
how does that bad decision feel?
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