Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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