mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
