there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
