addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
