the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think I am morally bankrupt
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
