She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
