so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
