i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you never un-have a 4some
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
