i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
