she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
