***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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