I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
