I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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