Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
