Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
