And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
