The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize