Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
