Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
