Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
