R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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