This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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