Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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