My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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