He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
