Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
