I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
