I need to stop coming to work sober
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
