Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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