i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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