so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
