You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
