I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
