I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize