The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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