this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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