he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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