I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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