I wish I could teleport
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
