I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
