why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
