Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
