dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
