Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
