there's paper in my vomit.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
