what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize