I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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