you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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