so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
